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Like millions of people all over the world I have a teenage daughter. She will be twenty soon, but I see little relief of those terrible hormones calming down. It all started when she was around twelve years old. One day I woke up to a child who I didn't understand. The more I tried, the more she resisted. I went from wonderful mommy to "I hate you" in just a blink of an eye. No more were the days of pink hair bows, frilly skirts, and princess crowns. They were exchanged with "don't tell me what to do, you don't know anything and the famous I hate you." For years I told myself don't let it get to you. All teenagers hate their parents. It's normal for them to form their own ideas. They have to get to know their own likes and dislikes.

She needs to become her own person. I kept rehearsing those and many more thoughts through my mind every time she would have one of her moments. I told myself be patient this shall pass. Its a normal stage in the progression of life. I even started to use some witty comebacks. Like "you think you hate me now, but wait until you need something later. Then I'll become wonderful to you again." I tried humor, ignoring, and taking away priviledges. Nothing worked and seemed to make her even more determined. In desperation I reached out to other moms who had teenagers or who had gone through the teenage years. I never really got any tried and true advice. Just the usually good luck. You'll make it through. I'd rather have 5 boys, then 1 girl. Nothing that gave me any promise or hope. Then one day when she was around 16 I realized how much I missed the little girl who wore the pink hair bows. She loved her pinkness and frillyness. She loved to tell me everything. She was so animated when she talked and so happy about life. She used to love to watch old movies with me.

Then later while she showered you could hear her singing showtunes as loudly as she could. She could make any moment great. She was funny and loving. I missed those days and I missed the way she used to be. So much that I was forming an ache in my heart. I didn't understand how she could be so cruel one minute. Then 5 minutes later come tell me a funny story about school that day. As if the cruelness was just an imagined moment that was never a reality. As a mother I learned to let it go. Trying not to dwell on the ugliness. Cherishing the moments of peace. The brief moments of mother daughter kinship that had been left in the past. Hanging on to every good memory I could make. Something I could remember years from now with a smile. Yes, we had some good moments. Some memories we've shared.

Getting her ready for High School dances, watching her cheer at basketball games. She still has an openness about her. She shares her sadness with me, her happiness. She shares news about her boyfriend, job, and friends. What she did last night and what she wants to do tomorrow. I've come to realize the little girl with pink hair bows will never come back. She has turned into a young woman who I am still learning to like, but will always love. She is needing me less and less everyday as a mom and more and more everyday as a friend. An idea I still find hard to except. The ache is still there in my heart and it maybe for sometime.

She is my daughter and my pride and joy. I will cherish what ever she is willing to give. Making what moments I can, count. Someday soon she will be on her own. She will make her own way in the world. Her own home and family. She will hear her daughter say "I hate you' and she will feel the ache for the first time. Then she will know how much she is truly loved. She will know how far and deep and wide the love of a mother reaches. She will have learned how to love her child unconditionally. That is when we will both know the journey was worth it.